


Everytime

by babacikbenson



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff, Long-Distance Relationship, Smut, Teen Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-23
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-02-22 13:35:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22383703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babacikbenson/pseuds/babacikbenson
Summary: Why does God keep bringing me back to you, every time?In an Alternate Universe, Olivia and Rafael cross paths in 1988, while in college, they fall in love against their better judgment and no matter how much they try to untangle their lives they always seem to find their way back to one another, every time.
Relationships: Rafael Barba & Olivia Benson, Rafael Barba/Olivia Benson
Comments: 48
Kudos: 106





	1. & sometimes you drop everything for the one

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Everytime by Ariana Grande.

“Are you lost?” Olivia plops down next to the meek yet oddly attractive male, seated at her favorite booth. “Are you even old enough to drink?” He silently shakes his head. “You’re not from around here are you?” Olivia leans back, making herself comfortable in the overly shined wooden booth. “I’ve never seen you on campus.”

“I don’t go to school around here. I’m just on my way _‘home’_ for thanksgiving break.” He mumbles.

“If you don’t go to Sienna, where do you go?” She raised her perfectly groomed eyebrow.

“Harvard.”

“Harvard, wow. That’s impressive. You’re going places, kid!” She smiled warmly at him. “I’m Olivia, you are?”

“Rafael.”

“Well Rafael, where’s home for you?”

“South Bronx.”

“Well, Rafael, the Bronx is a long ways away from Loudonville. What brings you to Albany?” His piercing green eyes peer into her gentle pools of honey brown.

_God, they felt like home._

Is all Rafael could think in the moment.

“I was on the wrong platform, thus I got on the wrong train. Now here I am. In Albany.” He shrugged.

There was darkness looming around him. Maybe he didn’t want to be in the Bronx, she thought. Maybe he was running from something, but aren't we all?

“We all have demons, we’re running from.” She reassures him.

“Well, mine is my father.” He shook his head softly. “And I’m gonna have to call him to pick me up, _all_ the way upstate, the night before thanksgiving because I only brought enough money to get back to Cambridge.”

“Well, Raf. If facing my demons will help you evade the wrath of yours, I’ll give you a ride to the Bronx. I’m headed to Queens, either way, this way I don’t have to ride alone.” She offered.

“Really?” He tilted his head.

“Yeah, I’ll just see my drunk of a mother a few hours early.” She shrugs her shoulders. “On one condition.”

“What’s that condition, Olivia.”

“That we get to know each other on this ride. None of that weird awkward, shit.” He nods in agreement. “But before I let you in this car, how old are you?”

“I just turned 19 on the 19th of October. You?” She nodded with a smile.

“A Libra, nice.” She smiled widely. “I’ll turn 21 in February, the 7th.” He nodded, not quite sure what her sign would be. They didn’t talk much about astrology in _el barrio._ “I’m an Aquarius.” She clarified as they slid out of the booth. “We’re compatible ya know.”

“Are you trying to get in my pants, Olivia?” He smirked, the cute little upward curve of his lips made Olivia’s heart thump a little faster in her chest.

“Do you want me in your pants, Rafael?” She smirked back at him, leading him to her car.

He had nothing but a slightly stuffed book bag and his pager, clipped to his belt.

“Is that really a question?” He chuckled, sliding into her car, throwing his backpack at his feet.

“Consent is very important, Rafa.” She laughs while buckling her seat belt.

“So tell me more about our compatibility.”

“They say we’re soul twins,” she chimes.

“Do they now?” He quirks. “Who’s they, exactly?”

“Astrologers.”

“How do you know so much about this stuff?”

“Well, my mother is a professor by day, and a drunk by night.” Her voice trails off, she can’t figure out why she’s telling him this information in the first place nor can she understand why she feels compelled to tell him more. “So I, uh...kind of raised myself, my mom could barely look at me. Books were my solace, where I’d turn to when I needed a hug.” She chuckles bashfully. “I’m sorry, I’m laying it on pretty thick. You didn’t ask for any of this.” She gripped the wheel tighter, honing her attention on the open road in front of her.

Rafael opened his mouth to contest her sentiment, he for some unknown reason wants to know it all. He'd been hanging on to every word she says.

“My dad is a prick...and my mom and I serve solely as his punching bags. I was relieved when I stepped off the platform on the completely opposite side of the state." He shook his head, Olivia had really been a saving grace. "Jesus, if I would’ve called him tonight-I don’t even want to think about it.” He placed his head in his hands. “I don’t understand why she just doesn’t leave him. She’s the strongest woman I know, but can't walk away from the one thing holding her back. The first opportunity I got I ran the furthest I could from him and everything that reminds me of _el barrio_.” Rafael huffed a sigh. “So what’s your damage? You said your mother’s a drunk, what about your dad?” Rafael glanced over at Olivia, he saw the tears forming in her eyes.

“I don’t have a dad.” She responded curtly.

“I’m sorry. Did I say something wrong?” He sincerely reaches over to rest a comforting hand on her lap.

“My mom was raped, I’m the product.” She blinked away her profusely falling tears. “That’s why she can’t look at me, why my own mother can’t love me." She gripped the steering wheel so tightly her knuckles were ghostly white, "Sometimes I wish she would’ve aborted me.” Olivia chuckles darkly. “Maybe a lighter conversation would fit the occasion better?” She suggests.

“Um...what are you studying at Sienna?” Rafael offers the olive branch.

“Criminology and forensic psychology. I want to be a detective. How about you?”

“Law. I want to be a prosecutor and then maybe a judge one day.” She nods.

The conversation flows naturally for the next two and a half hours, Olivia couldn't help but like Rafael, he was witty, charming, attractive, smart, and so kind. Olivia saddened as they neared their destination, she wanted more time with him, she'd drive him back to Harvard if that meant they got to keep the conversation flowing. 

“I, uh, thank you for the ride, Liv. It means more then you know.” Olivia slowed the car down, pulling over in front of his apartment building.

“Anytime, Rafa. If you’re ever in Loudonville again, make sure you look me up.” She unbuckles her seatbelt, getting out of the car in an attempt to spend as much time with Rafael before she never sees him again. He steps out of the car, taking his place standing next to Olivia.

“Can I just have your number instead?” Rafael’s eyes are planted on his feet, the red in his cheeks begin to rise. Her smile meets her eyes.

He couldn't believe he liked this complete stranger his much, well she wasn't much of a stranger anymore, he felt like they really understood each other, as if he'd really gotten to know her over the course of three hours since they met inside the run-down bar. 

Olivia pulls a pen out of Rafael’s backpack. And writes two numbers on his forearm.

“The first one is my pager, the one right below is my landline back in Albany.” His grin widens. “I’ll be waiting to hear from you, don’t have me waiting for you too long, I can be impatient.” She kissed his cheek before stepping away from Rafael and moving back toward the driver's seat. “Hey, Rafa...if he tries anything, _please,_ don’t be afraid to page me. I’ll come save you, no matter where or when.” She blows him a kiss, gassing up the engine.

“Bye, Liv. We’ll talk soon, I promise.” He caught her kiss, tucking it away in his pocket.

She waved before pulling off and disappearing into the darkness of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started this AU as a one-shot because I wanted to post something on Mariska's birthday and well the words got away from me! I only intend for this to be roughly 10 chapters, a roughly short work.
> 
> Feel free to review, leave me feedback, and tell me how you feel!
> 
> I hope someone enjoys!


	2. Yet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafa invites Liv over for some Thanksgiving leftovers, she doesn't expect to be meeting the family on their first "hang," but she dives in headfirst anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The bolded text = messages on the beeper/pager.

**‘Liv?’** The message clear as day, written mechanically across her beeper, the simple message had been staring at her for the past 10 minutes.

Olivia wasn’t trying to play hard to get, she ultimately thought she would never hear from Rafael again, she’d liked him, like _really liked_ him, and that must’ve meant something was wrong with him-but there wasn’t, he was perfect.

_Perfect to her._

_Perfect for her._

**‘Raf?’** Olivia responds, quickly coming to her senses, reminding herself this is all she had been wanting, for days now.

It was approaching 72 hours since the two parted ways, but Olivia couldn’t get herself to stop thinking about his piercing green eyes, the intonation of his voice, how fickle the bass in his laugh is when he finds something _truly_ funny, but his smile, his smile was the most beautiful thing about him.

 **‘Hi’** Rafael responds two minutes later, waking Olivia from her thoughts. **‘Want to hang?’**

 **‘Miss me already?’** Olivia quips.

 **‘Not even, as if!’** Olivia can picture Rafael rolling his eyes as his cheeks reddened while typing the message.

 **‘I'm just teasing you.’** Olivia responds immediately, smile plastered on her face. ‘ **Don't have a cow, kid!’** Olivia follows us her last message seconds later.

 **‘Mom made way too much food’** Rafael types out quickly, **‘If you want to come over for some?’**

 **‘Cheeuh! Sounds bitchin’ I’ll be over soon’** Olivia hops to her feet, scrambling to find her most attractive yet respectable outfit.

She settles on her white and red houndstooth tank top with white straps; they played a semi-conservative role by covering her midriff but leaving her cleavage, shoulders, and clavicle to be admired by Rafael. She tucked her shirt into her white high waited jeans, securing the loops with her red belt with the horseshoe-esq silver buckle.

After Olivia teased her bangs and fluffed her thick, semi wavy little past shoulder-length hair, she threw on her shoes and dashed out of the apartment before her mother awoke from her drunken slumber.

The drive was smooth before she knew it, she pulled up in front of his apartment building, she got out of the car, leaning against the passenger's side, paging him she arrived.

Within moments Rafael flew down the steps.

“Liv!” He waved excitedly. Olivia’s face eating grin only grew wider at the sight of Rafael.

“Raf!” Olivia rejoiced, throwing her arms around him.

“Liv?” Rafael dolefully sighs, pulling away from their hug to get a good look at Olivia. Her heart drops, thinking he wasn’t as excited to see her as she was to see him. “Liv, your lip is busted...and there are bruises on your jaw.”

“Its nothing, Raf.” She sighs, knowing the topic wouldn’t be dropped as she’d hope. “I wanted my mom to not be drunk for thanksgiving dinner, so I took the bottle of Jack she’d been nursing. She lunged for the bottle, pushed my head onto the dining room table, and when that didn’t work she slapped me. I just gave up. Handed her the bottle, it always meant more than me either way.” Olivia shrugs her shoulders. “Nothing but cuts and scratches, I’m a big girl. I can handle it, Rafi.” She smiled weakly, resting a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “Now, if I remember correctly, I was dragged all the way out to Jerome Ave in the Bronx with the promise of delicious food.”

Rafael tried his hardest to fight the nausea in his stomach at the mere thought of Liv getting hurt by the one person who should love her unconditionally.

Olivia takes his hand in hers, all the negative thoughts and sad feelings he had, vanished. She knew how to make him feel better.

Rafael intertwined their fingers, leading her upstairs toward his apartment.

“I just want to warn you, it’s not just my mom but my abuelos are here as well. Hopefully, my dad stays out all night.” Rafael mumbles the last part.

The almost couple enter the apartment, mindlessly holding hands.

“¡Oh Dios mío, Rafael finalmente trajo a casa a su novia! Tienes razón, ella es hermosa!” The younger of the two older women spoke, whom of which Olivia assumes is Rafael’s mother.

“Mamá, ella no es mi novia!” Rafael’s neck reddens.

“¡Todavía! Ella todavía no es tu novia!” His abuelita admonishes, smacking him gently in the back of his head. Olivia giggles at the action.

“Hi, you must be Olivia! I’m Lucia, Rafael’s mom! Our Rafi here hasn’t stopped raving about you since he got home.” Rafael groaned at his mother’s disclosure.

“And I’m Catalina, Rafael’s grandmother! And that old sack asleep on the couch over there is my husband, Alberto. Raf I’d grandpa. He probably will only wake up for the food, don’t mind him!” Olivia extends her hand out to shake but Catalina has other ideas and completely envelopes Olivia in a bear hug. “Oh, es perfecta Rafi, deberías haber traído a casa una mujer Cubana, ¡pero aún así es perfecta para ti!” A blush rose quickly to Olivia’s neck, she bit her lip in hopes that none of them picked up on her proficiency in Spanish, not wanting to invade their privacy.

“It's so lovely to meet you all.” Olivia’s face eating grin widens, the family gathers around the table Olivia soon follows behind them, taking her seat next to Rafael. As Lucia dishes out the food, explaining to Olivia what each dish is and it’s ingredients; Olivia intertwines her fingers with Rafael’s, placing their interlocked fingers in her lap. She uses her other hand to trace circles on the back of his palm.

Once the conversation began to flow naturally, it soon diverged into different conversations. Olivia leans over, “So you told your mom you think I’m gorgeous, huh?” Whispering in his ear.

“You understand Spanish?” Rafael’s face flushed as Olivia nodded, a shit-eating grin overtook her face. “Oh, God!” Rafael adverts his glance away from Olivia’s gaze, shoveling several spoonfuls of rice into his mouth.

“Your abuelita is right, I’m not your girlfriend, _yet_.” Rafael chokes on the rice as Olivia giggles at his reaction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am trying to incorporate 80s lingo but it's hard because I was not alive during the 80s (and the 80s movies available on youtube are quite cringe so my 80s fluency is taking a hit).
> 
> Just a couple of short chapters as fillers coming up until the story starts, remember this is a short AU roughly eight to ten chapters.


	3. Steady

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael's first encounter with Serena Benson leaves a bad taste in Olivia's mouth, she creates an escape route before Rafael can change his mind about the question he'd just asked her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short filler!

As the days of winter break slowly shuffled by, Olivia and Rafael found themselves spending more and more time together. Lucia invites Olivia over for brunch on Saturdays, Dinner on Sundays (only after attending mass together), and Lunch on Mondays. Lucia and Catalina fall in love with the woman that Olivia is, they love her for their Rafi. So the excitement could barely be contained when Rafael officially asked Olivia to go steady four days after the new year, and she says yes.

**January 5th, 1989**

“I’ve totally had a thing for you since the first day we met, I never thought you’d ask me to be your girlfriend.” Olivia admits, “You’re perfect, good fellas like you don’t usually fall for gals like me.” Olivia bites her lip, looking away from her _boyfriend_. 

“Oh, Liv, you aren’t anything short of perfect. I have no idea why you said yes to me. But I’m totally stocked that you did!” Rafael moved in closer, hovering directly over her lips.

With Olivia’s back leaning against the front door of her mother’s apartment, Rafael’s arms hold himself up as they’re pinned on either side of her, his fingers gripping the molding of the door jam. He leans down to capture her lips, Olivia’s hands meet around his neck. Soon Rafael’s hands find their way around her waist and Olivia’s body is pressed fully against the front door.

Their first kiss started off light and chaste but soon picked up momentum. The passion and desire that had been brewing between the two for the past month and a half seamlessly works its way into their kiss. The couple only split apart when the sound of a throat being cleared startles them, they immediately fly apart.

“What the hell is this, Olivia? You’re bringing random men back to my apartment now?” Serena spoke in an accusatory tone.

“He’s not random, mom. He’s my boyfriend.” Rafael awkwardly turns to face Serena Benson, his cheeks redden with embarrassment.

“How old is this one? 50?” Serena chides, not even sparing Rafael a passing glancing. She simply nudges Olivia out of the way, rolling her eyes.

“He’s 19.” Olivia corrects.

“Oh, robbing the cradle are we now?” Serena chuckles to herself, pushing Olivia out of the way to enter the apartment.

“Rafi, maybe we could just go.” Olivia transfers her weight from her left foot to her right, indicating her discomfort with the situation. “We said we’d meet Eddie and Alex for lunch in South Queens anyway.” Olivia reaches for her boyfriend’s hand quickly, shuffling them both far away from Serena Benson and all her snide comments.

“Hey, babe you okay?” Rafael slows her down outside of her apartment complex.

“I’m just sorry, for _her_. She doesn’t behave well around strangers, hell, she doesn’t behave well around me either, I just learned how to deal with it.” Olivia shrugs her shoulders defeatedly.

“Well trust me it isn't worse than when my father barged into our tv sesh and accused you of being my beard." Raf chuckles, lightening the mood with multiple pecks on her lips. Once the ghost of a smile appears on her out of this world beautiful face, Rafa speaks up again. "Look, we don’t have to meet Alex and Eddie for another three hours, and you already live in Queens, so what do ya want to do?”

“We can take the subway out to Jamaica Avenue window shop and share an Italian Ice!” Olivia’s mood instantly lifted.

“Anything for you, mi amor.” Rafael slings his left arm over her shoulder, leaning down slightly to plant a kiss on his smiling girlfriend’s face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After this chapter I'm just going to dive right into the story, there will be a lot of time-lapses. 
> 
> Comments, feedback, suggestions, and kudos are always welcomed and enjoyed!


	4. Control?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The couple is in complete bliss together and willing to do anything to make their long-distance relationship work, but not everyone wants the same thing for them-it seems not everyone can be happy for the new loving couple.

**Friday, February 7th, 1989**

A loud knock on Olivia’s dorm room door causes her to jump, _who could that be?_ She thought to herself.

She’d already received the floral and balloon arrangement Rafa had hand-delivered to her door.

She wished he’d stop wasting his money on her, not that she didn’t appreciate the beautiful peonies he’d sent her-knowing they were her favorite. She didn’t need material things (she wasn’t used to material things), all she needed was him. He could’ve mailed or faxed her a simple birthday card or handwritten note and she would’ve geeked out just as hard.

Because to Olivia, it’s always the thought that counts.

Coming back to her senses, hard not to when the incessant knocking refused to stop, she heads toward the door. Her jaw drops to the floor, her reaction was to jump first, question later.

“Happy birthday, baby!” Rafael tightened his grip around her waist, the best he could with Olivia’s favorite chocolate-covered strawberries in a heart-shaped box in his left hand and a bouquet of white and red roses in his right.

“Are you real?” Olivia asks, closing Rafa in her grasp-her arms snuggly wrapped around his neck same with her legs around his waist.

“Of course I am, bebé.” She pulls back just enough to pepper his face with kisses, planting a warm languid kiss on his lips. “Mm, can I come in?” He mumbled against her lips. She nods her head, there lips never losing contact.

“Why are you here? Not that I’m not happy to see you, because I really _really_ am! I’ve missed you so much! But you weren’t supposed to be here until next week?” She raised a single eyebrow. The couple untangles their limbs, Olivia takes his hand in hers dragging him more into the single suite. He places Olivia’s gifts on her desk next to where she set up the other surprises he sent her earlier in the day.

“Well,” he says pulling her flush against his chest, his arms resting on the rise of her bum, while his hands grabbed at the mounds of meat.

“Well?” She purred, her hands wrapping around his neck once again, as they fell back onto her bed in a bundle of giggles.

“I really wanted to see you, I didn’t think I could wait another week. So here I am.” He spoke softly to her as their lips inched closer together.

The kiss was soft yet suggestive, his hands rubbing against the material of her shorts, a slight moan escaping her mouth.They pull apart slowly only due to lack of breath. He smiles down at her, shifting his body weight, eventually sitting up not wanting to crush his girlfriend. She whimpers at the loss of his pressure against her skin. 

“Stop frowning,” He pulls her up into a sitting position, “here try this,” he pulls a chocolate cover strawberry out of its container, their eyes lock as he nudges the aphrodisiac between her supple lips.

As she bites down, the juice from the strawberry trails down her chin, Rafael moves in slowly, his tongue exploring the crevices of her mouth, languidly his tongue travels the length of her chin, drinking up the rouge strawberry juice.

“Rafa,” she chocked out.

“Mm?” He responds nipping gently at her exposed skin.

“If you don’t stop, I can’t make any promises to wait...” she slurred her words, drunk off the arousal.

“Who said anything about waiting any longer?” The cloud of sexual tension in the room so thick the couple couldn’t focus on anything other than their partner’s eyes.

An unabating vibration filled the room, springing the couple apart, each landing on opposite sides of the bed.

“I’m sorry,” Rafael facepalmed, he unclipped his pager from his hip, clicking through the tens of messages.

“Who is it?” Olivia asked one of her perfectly shaped eyebrows in the air.

“It’s no one important,” Rafael rolls his eyes at the messages, flinging the pager onto the nightstand, using his now unoccupied hand to cup his girlfriend’s cheek, leaning in. Olivia moves her head, dodging his kiss.

“Rafael. Who was that?” She asks again, the jealousy bubbling inside of her.

“Liv...” He runs his right through his perfectly coiffed hair. She shoots him a near-lethal look. “It’s Rita and some of our other friends pestering me about going out next weekend for Valentine’s night. It’s really nothing, Olivia, I promise.”

“You’re going out? On Valentine’s Day?” Liv looked down, not wanting him to see how she was really feeling.

“Liv...I really wanted to spend our first Valentine’s Day together but I made an impulse decision to come see you today because I didn’t want you to spend your 21st birthday alone.” He shot her an impish smile, the one he knew made her heart do backflips.

“I know baby, I didn’t mean anything by it. This means the world to me.” She wraps her arms around his neck as he tightens the grip he had on her hips.

The kiss they share is a soft, slow, and sweet, one but it’s still full of passion. Olivia shifts positions as she straddles his lap, her fingers run across the hair at the nape of his neck, bringing their faces and bodies closer. He ran his fingers gently, up and down her sides, soon his fingers found its way under the fabric of her shirt.Olivia helps her boyfriend out by ditching the shirt completely, revealing her bare chest. Immediately one of his hands cups her breast while the other one searches for her ass. A hungry moan escapes her. 

Rafael and Olivia finally untangle their lips, but only momentarily to remove his shirt from the equation. Olivia works the belt of his pants in an unspoken urgency. They had never made love before and have been yearning for each other since the night they met.Once they’ve both stripped down to just their underwear, Rafael flips them, so he is now on top, the two stare lovingly into the eyes of the other. The three words the two haven’t dared to share yet in fear of rushing things, moving too fast, in the spirit of not ruining what they had, they swallowed those feelings and only expressed them physically in the way they kissed, held hands, glanced, and especially, now, in how passionately they make love to one another. 

The dyad arch into each other, in a practically desperate need, Olivia’s legs wrapping around him, positioning herself perfectly, drawing him toward her. Rafael looks deeply into Olivia’s eyes, giving her one last option to back out when she nods subtly, he smiles, pushing all the way home, filling her to the hilt. As they gasp, both have to pause for a moment to adjust; Olivia to his size and the feeling of being filled so perfectly and Rafael to the feeling of actually being inside of her. To him, Olivia feels like heated velvet around his hardened erection and his body throbs with anticipation. 

They finally come back to their senses, the feeling of desire and need picking up momentum. Rafael starts moving inside of her, long languid thrusts, Olivia’s ankles still locked together around his waist, she brings her hips up to meet each of his thrusts.Rafael moved slowly, wanting to savor the feeling, needing to forever burn the memory of their first time into his brain, to study every crevice of his girlfriend’s body; to know what makes her tick, which spots to hit, how hard and fast to go, Rafa just wanted to please her. 

He pulls himself back and then thrusts gently but completely into her wet heat, over and over again. Everything about the moment is slow and deliberate. The air of desperation gradually dissipating, there is no need to rush, it’s just the two of them, declaring their unspoken love for each other.The only urgency present is their growing need for one another. Olivia unhooks her ankles, unable to hold herself up with the building pleasure in her core. Her thighs are spread open, still bent on either side of Rafael’s hips; her hands move idly from his ass-pulling him in deeper, leaving no space for air in between their wet hot skin-they were stomach to stomach, the only room to breathe came as Rafael moves from worshipping her lips to sucking on the hollow of her throat to the crook of her neck, leaving his mark. 

Rafael’s lips dance across her neck, marking his territory, Olivia starts toward the precipice, an audible gasp leaving her throat. Her toes curling, her right leg flailing in the air as much as it could while being pinned under Rafael’s firm thrust, Olivia’s right-hand travels through his wild tresses, her left-hand grips the base of his neck.Rafael reaches down between them to run his thumb over her clit when he starts to feel like his own orgasm is imminent, Olivia’s right-hand leaves his hair and spreads across his back gripping his shoulder blade. Olivia’s hips begin to rock erratically, at the stimulation of her clit. Her fingernails pressing into his soft skin as the orgasm thrums through every fiber of her being, she drags her nails down his back, the friction is Rafael’s undoing, his warm cum filling her, they ride the waves of orgasm out together. 

Wordlessly, Rafael collapses on top of her, they share a passionate kiss, their lips dancing together until Olivia rolls them over, resting her head on his chest. They slowly begin to drift off to sleep, “happy birthday, baby.” Rafael utters gently, pressing a kiss into her temple. Rafael finally allows the sleep to consume him, the couple slept in each other’s arms, after being thoroughly blissed out.   
  


* * *

**  
Thursday, February 13th, 1989**

Liv and Rafa deepened their bond through constant communication—always doing homework while on the phone, whenever they are apart, a key feature in their relationship. Olivia had to be at least two weeks ahead in her courses by now, as she mindlessly completed assignment after assignment while her boyfriend rambled about something on his mind. They’d been on the phone for at least four hours when Rafael brought up his plans for Valentine’s Day—plans that didn’t include her, her heart nearly dropped out of her chest. “Oh, you’re actually going out tomorrow night?” She swallowed thickly.

“Liv, I’m sorry. I know you wanted to spend Valentine’s Day together, but I just went all the way to Albany last week. I can’t make it up there again.” The sadness in his voice proved he wanted nothing more than to spend the day with his girlfriend.

“I don’t know, I just thought maybe we could just talk on the phone. Never mind, I’m just being clingy and silly.” She shook her head profusely, not that he could see her from over the phone.

“Liv...”

“Would you be terribly against the idea of me coming to you?” She asked softly. “I have a car, and it’s the weekend. I could just stay up there and drive right back up Sunday night for class on Monday.”

“Would you really drive up here so late? Your class doesn’t get out until 6:45.”

“I’d skip class, obviously. We’re allowed one absence and I am glad to spend it on you. I don’t expect you to skip class or anything, babe. I’ll just be there waiting for you to get back.”

“Olivia, I wouldn’t want anything more! I can take you around town and show you all of my favorite spots! You can meet all of my friends. This’ll be great. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow!” He practically shrieked with giddy.

“I can’t wait to see you either, babe!” She melted internally, giddy vibrations filling her body. “It’s so weird. I saw you less than a week ago and you spent the whole weekend. Yet I’m still so happy to be with you again.” She bit her lip.

“Rafa! Come play beer pong with us! We need a fourth.” Rita, Rafael’s best friend, and classmate announced.

“Not now Reet, I’m on the phone with, Liv!” He practically shooed her away.

“God, she’s got, you whipped, boy. It’s 1989, y’all have forever to spend together! Just tell her you’ll call her back in a bit and come play with us!” Rita’s words were slightly slurred, Olivia could tell they’d already started without him.

“Rafi, I’ll see you tomorrow! Don’t worry, go have fun with your friends. But not too much fun, I don’t want you getting drunk and cheating on me or something crazy like that.” She giggled, rolling her eyes fondly to herself.

“Me? cheat on you? Never mi amor! You’re the woman I’m gonna marry, someday.” He sighed.

“Rafi, you’re gonna be a lawyer and I’m gonna be a detective. We won’t be long-distance anymore. We’ll come home to each other every night to have dinner and make love. It’ll be perfect! Two children and a dog.” He could hear the smile in her voice.

“It’ll be perfect as long as I’m with you.”

Reluctantly, the call ended. Rafael journeyed out of his room to find Rita and the rest of their friends.

“Oh, Olivia let you off of your leash long enough to hang with your friends?” Rita teased.

“Just to clarify, she isn’t the reason I don’t hang with you guys. You guys are simply annoying.” He smiled widely.

“As long as you’re coming with us tomorrow night to the club!” Rita bounced with excitement, her reddish-blonde hair flying everywhere.

“As long as you guys are okay with Olivia tagging along.”

“She’s coming? Here? To Cambridge?” Rita bemused.

“Yeah, it’s our first Valentine’s Day together, we want to be together for it.” He shrugged.

“Isn’t that why you went to Albany, last weekend?” Rita reminded her best friend. “Rafi we were supposed to go to singles night...”

“I went to visit her last weekend for her birthday.” He clarified. “Rita, I’m not single, what makes it different if my girlfriend is there?” Rita rolled her eyes.

“I just feel like she’s controlling you. You told me she didn’t want you to go out on Valentine’s and now she’s suddenly coming all the way to Massachusetts. Doesn’t that seem a little manipulative to you?”

“Sorry, that my girlfriend wants to spend Valentine’s Day with me. God forbid she doesn’t want to miss our first Valentine’s Day together, let’s call her a controlling and manipulate freak!” He practically spits. “Look, Rita. Olivia is the girl I’m going to marry, so you might want to get used to it.”

“Rafael, are you kidding me? You two have been seeing each other for what? Four months? And she already has you talking about spending your lives together? You’re 19! You shouldn’t even be thinking like this! Wake up and see that she’s using you to fill some void or complete some agenda. Why would a young _older_ woman be planning her future with someone who is practically a child, unless you’re her meal ticket.”

“Am I really that pathetic in your eyes, Rita?” His green eyes glare into her blue ones. “You think I’m that unlovable that I can’t get someone whose year and a half older than me without it being money-driven?” Rafael shook his head, tears evident in his eyes. “You’re my best friend and you don’t even believe in me.Fuck my relationship. You don’t respect me as a man.” He choked back the burning in his throat, not wanting to stumble on his words. “God, you can forget about going out tomorrow. She was so excited to meet you guys, _you_ , especially since you’re my best friend. But you couldn’t even be happy for me finding a smidgen of happiness after everything I have going on at home.” He shook his head once again, stepping away from his best friend.

“Rafa, I’m sorry-“ Rafael’s disappointed tone cut her off harshly.

“No Rita, you’ve said your piece. I just need not be around you right now.” Rafael retreated back to his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~ y’all are gonna have to excuse my day/date ratio! When I initially went into the planning stages of this AU I set it in 1984 but then did the math and realized Olivia and Rafael would’ve only been 16 and 14.5 respectively. So I shifted the year back to fit the timeline but for the sake of my already drawn out/drafted/and written out plot let’s leave a little room for authors creative discretion ~


	5. The story of us...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The drift in Rafael’s relationship with his best friend places a strain on his relationship with Olivia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed my user from @mightymariskamagic  
> Translations at the end!

**Friday, February 14th, 1989**

Olivia excitedly turned into the narrow parking space after her two hour and forty-five-minute trek across state lines. 

“Rafi!” Olivia cheered gleefully, spotting her boyfriend as she stepped out of her car. She broke out into a quick sprint towards him, practically leaping into his arms. Rafael greets her with a kiss, Olivia’s arms wrap around his neck and her legs around his waist, he supports them both by gripping the meat of her ass.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, cariño” Rafael mumbles against Olivia’s lips.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, to _us_!” Olivia cheers as Rafael takes her hand in his left and her bag in his right, leading her to his dorm.

“So what do you want to do first?” He pulls Olivia into his side, she snuggles into his chest.

“Can I meet your friends? And maybe get some food? I haven’t eaten anything yet today, I was too excited to see you again.”

“I can take you to the Harvard Union and we can enjoy a bite to eat in the Barker Rotunda.” She nods softly, excited to share this aspect of his life with him.

Rafael makes quick work of unloading Olivia’s bags in his room, before heading over to the Barker Rotunda, wanting to get his woman nourished, they head off hand in hand. Mindlessly, they pick their meals quickly shuffling to find an open table, Olivia’s stomach growls vigorously.

“Damn Momma, should I be afraid you’re going to eat me too?” Rafael chuckles, throwing his left arm around her shoulders.

“I mean, you do look good enough to eat.” She speaks with her mouth half full of croutons and the various vegetables of her chicken Caesar Salad.

Rafael leans down to capture her lips with his, the saltiness of the dressing mixes in with the taste that is uniquely, Olivia Benson. His tongue ventures further between her parted lips, clearing any residual unexplored crevices of her mouth. Their moment of bliss curtly interrupted by a shrill voice, the one in particular Rafael _didn’t_ want to hear.

“Rafael?” The voice was low, “Can we talk?” Please?” Rita practically begged.

“And you think right now is the most opportune moment?” He scoffed, parting his mouth then shutting it—pressing his lips into a thin line.

“Rafa, you’re my best friend. I hate it when you’re mad at me.” She lowered her tray, the sadness in her eyes oozed like an erupting volcano.

“Are you Rita?” Olivia twitches excitedly. “I’m Olivia! Raf’s girlfriend.” Olivia’s smile is so genuine, Rafael feels pointed anger bubbling up inside his chest cavity, near explosion—with the target on his best friend’s back. “I’ve heard so much about you, it’s great to finally put a face to the name,” Olivia’s smile radiates a joyous energy.Rita is immediately taken back by Olivia’s beauty and all-encompassing aura.

“All good things, I hope?” She chuckled. 

“Oh, yes! He speaks so highly of you!”

“Oh,” Rita’s vision gets redirected as she focused on her lap, twiddling with the fabric of her tweed skirt.

“Oh-did I? Did I say something wrong?” Olivia looks over at Rafa in a plea for understanding.

“No, no. You didn’t say anything wrong, babe,” Rafa reassures, planting a kiss in her hair.

“Raf, I’m sorry,” Rita speaks up.

“I don’t want to talk about _that_ right now. My girlfriend and I want to enjoy our lunch,” Olivia glances over at her boyfriend in bemusement.

 _Am I missing something?_ Her eyes read.

 _Later._ He glanced back.

The trio was eventually joined by some of Rafael’s other friends, all pretty ecstatic to meet the gal who made Rafael so unequivocally happy.The conversation is jovial and good spirited-jokes flying from every person at the table, the group chats for over an hour trying to get to know each other. 

“You know, for someone who’s stomach grumbling could be heard halfway across campus, you’ve not made a decent enough dent in that salad.”

“Mm, I can’t be too full, with the plans I have for _you_ later.” She mumbles to Rafael but not low enough for the others not to hear.

“Rafa _finally_ got laid? You’re kidding!” Rita guffaws, Rafael shoots her warning daggers, “It all makes so much sense now! Why he can’t seem to remember, his friends.” Rita meant her statement meant as a good-hearted joke, but it slipped off her tongue without pondering her words in a much harsher tone than consciously intended.Olivia bit her lip, her eyes glued to her half-eaten plate, the awkward atmosphere intensified, swiping her voice in the process. 

“I think we should go now, Liv.” Rafael’s arm moves from around her shoulder, intertwining their fingers, tugging her out of her seat, away from the table as he guides her out of the cafeteria, wordlessly.

“Raf!” Rita calls after him, “I didn’t mean it that way, I’m sorry!” Her voice trembles.

“You seem to be saying that a lot lately, huh?” He sniggers over his shoulder, pulling Olivia into his side once again as they exit the cafe.

In an attempt to lighten the mood, Olivia scoffs dumbfounded, “Wait, wait, wait! I was your first time?” Olivia’s eyes nearly bulge out of her head, they stop under a tree’s shade.

“See this is why I didn’t want to say anything! I didn’t want you to feel weird about it.” Rafael scratched the back of his head, awkwardly.

“There’s _no way_ that was your first time, you’re _way too good_ at that!” Olivia placates. “Like toes curling, screaming at the top of my lungs, I still felt you after you were long gone _good!"_

“I mean...” Rafael attempts to fight off the smile growing on his face, “I walked in on my dad watching those obscene VHS tapes,” Rafa avoids making eye contact with his girlfriend.

“I just wish you would’ve told me it was your first time, I would’ve made it special.” Olivia smiles warmly, her fingers trailing up and down his chest.

“Oh, trust me, it was plenty special, babe. Anything involving you in my life is grandstanding.” Rafael smirks, “Besides, I did oral with my first girlfriend-“ Olivia rolls her eyes her face contorting into a half grimace, _what a way to kill the moment_ , she thinks.

“Hmm, you did? Maybe you can show me.” Olivia says suggestively, the blush growing on Rafael’s face.

* * *

“I'm so tired.” Rafael moaned as he crawled into his twin XL bed, easing the pressure off of his knees. He head-butted Olivia’s arm like a cat eager to be loved. When she weakly lifted her arm, he pressed his face into her side, listening to her breath finally evening out along with the slowing beat of her heart. His moaning turned pleasurable when she ran her fingers through his thick, dark hair. His upturned mouth still glistening from her juices, “I’m still undecided if you taste better than you look.”

“I don’t know what’s better your insistent mouth or your thick co—“ Olivia’s voice was interrupted by persistent pounding on his door.

Rafael sighed, shifting uncomfortably in an attempt to hide his very obvious erection. Olivia sits up, slipping on Rafael’s plain white t-shirt pulling the blanket up to cover her waist.

“Yes?” Rafael fights an eye roll barely opening the door a crack, he sticks his head out of the door—masking his bare chest and his boner.

“Bro, aren’t you ready?”

“Just like I told Rita and the rest of you last night, I’m not going to singles night. I have a girlfriend and that’s disrespectful.” Raf shakes his head in bewilderment.

“We’re not going to Gino's anymore! We’re going to Sigma Chi’s Cupid Rager!”

“Alice—“

“You can bring Olivia! You two can have a good time as a couple and we can all enjoy each other’s company as a group, please Raf? Pleeease?” Alice pleads as the petite caramel-colored ginger next to her, extends her bottom lip.

“Janie, you know the puppy dog look doesn’t work on me.” He smirks opening the door a little wider unaware of Olivia’s roaming body.

“Hmm, I can see why you’re so smitten,” Janie grins leaning over to see past Raf.

“Janie!” Rafael moves from behind the door to block his very rambunctious lesbian friend’s ogling of his girlfriend.

“I mean, if you can’t handle her, I’ll gladly take her off your hands and show her a good time.” She scoffs, gawping at his unsuccessfully masked boner.

“Alice, can you please?” He pleads with the stocky blonde to tame her best friend.

“Will you promise to at least think about it?” Alice bargains raising a single eyebrow.

“I’ll speak to Olivia and see how she feels about it, if she’s down I’ll see you there.” He extends his pinky, both Janie and Alice clasp their small fingers around his substantially larger one.

“Hmm, you better be pleasing that girl with those slender nubs of yours or else I’ll show her what a real orgasm feels like!” Janie jokes as Rafael groans, shutting the door in their faces.

Rafael turns to enter his bedroom once again, only to find Olivia crouched down digging through her bag of clothing she’d brought with her.

“Liv?” He approaches her.

“Yes?” She responds never looking up.

“What are you doing?” He crouches down in front of her.

“I didn’t actually expect to be leaving your bed or wearing much of anything at all this weekend, so I’m unsure of what to wear to the party.” She stops shuffling as a smile outbreaks on her face. Pulling out her lacy black bra, and her favorite blue jeans with white and yellow flowers embroidered onto the lining of her pockets and on the loops of her belt straps.

She jumps to her feet, throwing on the two items, swiftly making her way over to her boyfriend’s closet—pulling out his leather sleeved mustard and rusted ginger orange varsity jacket.

“Aren’t you gonna put a shirt under that?” Rafael tilts his head to the side as Olivia slides the jacket over her shoulders.

“Nope!” She winks, stepping back, she leaves the oversized jacket unbuttoned. “This is what I call boyfriend insurance,” she smirks.

“Getting guys to notice you so you can tell them you have a boyfriend all night?” Slight irritation starts to nip at Rafael.

“What? No! Making sure you’re all over me and never leave my side all night.” She shoots him a worrying glance, “Raf, I don’t want anyone’s attention that isn’t yours.” She steps closer to him.

His heart melts as he feels the slight guilt gnawing away at him, how could he ever think Olivia would do such a thing? That wasn’t like her, she’s a one-man type of gal.

“I’m sorry for even considering that’s what you were thinking, babe.” His lips softly touch hers, his hand at her hips slowly moving upwards under the material of his jacket to get a feel of her warm velvety skin.

“But you, my very _maravilloso_ _novio_ ,” Olivia purrs against his lips, pulling away reluctantly, “need to be fully dressed, cause unluckily for _them_ I was raised by a drunk so I know how to fight.” Rafael snorts at her throwaway comment.

“I’m gonna go get ready so we can head out.” Leaning down to peck her lips one more time to hold him over.

"Mmm mm, no first, let's fix this little issue then we can get ready," Olivia gropes his erection as her lips meet his once again.

* * *

The party was in full swing by the time Olivia and Rafael made it through the doors, Rafael’s arm securely around Olivia’s waist, it felt as if all eyes were on them—the guys sense the fresh meat for them to try to lay into, the girls' frustration growing at their inability to place the jaw-dropping gorgeous girl who’d sauntered into a frat party with an undergrad law student wrapped around her.

“Raf? Why’s everyone staring?” Olivia craned her neck in his direction.

“Because you’re beautiful.” Rafael shrugs.

“Are those your friends?” Olivia gestures over to the group of guys and girls waving them over.

“Yup,” he tenses, “you can’t break up with me over them, it was your decision to come tonight, I insisted on casual dinner and a quaint drive-in movie.” He jests.

“Mm, we did that last week so we aren’t missing out that much," She chuckles, "All we did was fool around for about an hour then had full-blown sex until the credits rolled and practically missed the entirety of the movie anyway," Olivia rolls her eyes. intertwining her left hand with his much larger right one, leading him toward his group of friends.

"Yeah, but this time, we could actually watch the movie!" He quickly rebuttals.

"We wouldn't," she shoots him a knowing glance, he smirks at her remark as they finally approach his friend group. 

"Wow! Olivia, your body is bangin' babe!" Janie all but drools, "I'm Janie by the way," she winks suggestively, "And this is Alison, but we call her Alice, she's my best friend!" Janie throws a thumb in Alice's direction. "We're the only cool ones in this group— including Raf— so stick with us and you'll have a great night." Janice chuckles so hard she spills a bit of her beer. 

"Nice try Janie, I'm not leaving her side, so put your claws away!" Raf smirks, pulling Olivia further into his side. 

"Have you seen her? It's worth the shot." She shrugs, handing both Raf and Olivia a beer. 

Olivia hesitantly accepts the drink, "What's the matter? You don't drink? Aren't you in college?" Rita asks.

"Um, yeah I am in college, I'm 21...I just don't see all the rage in drinking." She shrugs trying to avoid the conversation with half plastered teenagers she barely knows.

"Dude, I'm totally buggin' cause drinking is gnarly, I feel so free." Rita chuckles, a little unbalanced on her feet. Olivia presses herself a little more into his chest, subtly signaling her discomfort. "Raf! Shotgun this beer with me!"

"Um, no thank you, I'm good." Raf wraps his arms around Olivia's waist to help her feel more secure. 

“Raf! Are you kidding me? We do this at every party, dude! Don’t tell me Olivia doesn’t know you drink? Back in the day… ya know like before he met you, he’d shotgun three of these beers without anyone asking.” Rita stumbles, her drunken stupor shining through.

“I’m not hiding my drinking habits from my girlfriend. I just prefer to be sober and remember my night with her, if that’s okay with you.” He barks at his best friend.

“As if! Blink twice if she’s controlling you!” Rita and a few others laugh.

“I don’t see any part of that joke as funny. Sorry, I _respect_ my girlfriend and don’t want to leave her alone to drink like an ass while she’s half-naked and essentially knows no one at this party! I don’t have a penchant to embarrass her or make her uncomfortable by being blistered, much like how you’re carrying yourself right now.”

"That was uh, kinda harsh kid,” Josh, the buff blonde who’d been making googly eyes at Olivia since they set foot into the frat house. “What’s the beef? You somehow manage to bed this babe whose way out of your league and now you don’t know how to take a joke from your friends?” Josh steps forward aggressively.

“Hey, chill the hell out! You guys are being hella weird and hostile!” Janie steps in, pushing Josh out of Raf and Olivia’s face. “Can we all agree to take a fucking chill pill and try to enjoy this dope ass party together? As friends?” The crowd of overly hormonal teenagers nods in agreement.

The rest of the Valentine’s Day rager went down without another incident. Rafael held Olivia close all night, they danced—bumping and grinding, even a couple slow songs came on giving the couple an excuse to hold onto each other.

Olivia had been nursing her single cup of beer all night until it grew warm and flat, at which she left Raf’s side to discard it—Raf was on his second or third cup, which of course Olivia didn’t mind—hell she’d been the one to encourage him to drink and let loose a little.Rafa and Liv were separated for all of ten minutes as Janie and Alice had preemptively decided to cut in and steal Olivia from Raf just for a few moments; the moment she stepped away to discard her drink. Olivia danced the night away with the two girls she now considered friends. Olivia looked over at Raf a few times just to make sure he was safe, at first she noticed Raf and Rita dancing together and a smile took over her face.

“Aren’t they just the cutest?” Olivia asked raising her voice so the girls could hear her over the blaring bass of the music.

“They can’t stay mad at each other for long, literally friendship goals,” Janie admitted.

“Well yeah, after us that is!” Alice’s eyes sparkled slightly, Olivia sending her a smirk discreetly.

Olivia peeks over her shoulder one more time to spare the best friend duo one last appreciative glance, but this time she sees Rita grinding on Josh, and some busty blonde bimbo draped over her man.

“Who the hell is that?” Olivia exasperates.

“Ohh, that’s Scarlet, a Criminology third-year student,” Alice pipes up.

“Oh well, Scarlet is about to get her ass handed to her in a few seconds if she doesn’t get her grotty hands off of my man.” Olivia chafes.

“Oh, no, is little Livy gonna get her kitty claws out?” Janie teases. 

“Oh just watch me,” Olivia pulls the sleeves of the jacket off her arms, tying the material around her hips, “I don’t call this boyfriend insurance for the hell if it.” Her lacy black bra hugging her perfectly plump breast just right, making Janie’s eyes pop out of her head.

Olivia approaches the part of the dance floor Rafael is on, she doesn’t say anything, just closes her eyes swaying her hips to the music, in an instant, there are four guys approaching her, and she feels a heat filled gaze linger upon her glistening buxom. Immediately, Rafael pushes Scarlet away, taking large steps toward his girlfriend. She smirks at him from across the dance floor as he approaches her, “Olivia,” he growls out of lust as possessive energy overwhelms his core.

“Boyfriend insurance,” she mumbles, wrapping her arms around his neck pulling him down so his lips can finally meet hers—the rest of the party melts away.

* * *

**Saturday, February 15th, 1989**

Liv spent the majority of the day with her head in her boyfriend’s lap as they lounged around and studied. Olivia quizzing him on his Law terms and the different types of pretrial motions.

He fed her strawberries as she practiced reciting her Miranda rights in different languages, pressing into her making sure she mastered the Spanish version just as well as she has English, Italian, Hungarian, French, and German.

“No girlfriend of mine will be facing a bad collar because of an unrolled r, again from the top!” He demands as she bursts into a fit of giggles.

“Is this how I sound when I’m grilling you over those pretrial motions?” Olivia raised an eyebrow, her smile never leaving her face.

“Oh, yeah? And what exactly do I sound like?”

“A drill sergeant!” She giggles, running away but he catches her before she gets too far, playing sloppy kisses along her jawline.

“I said, from the top, Detective!” The vibrations of his voice send chills down her spine.

“Usted tiene derecho a guardar silencio. Si renuncia a ese derecho, cualquier cosa que diga puede ser y será usada en su contra en un tribunal. Usted tiene derecho a llamar a un abogado y que lo asista durante el interrogatorio. Si no cuenta con los recursos para contratar a un abogado, se le asignará uno sin costo alguno para usted. Durante cualquier interrogatorio, usted puede, en cualquier momento, ejercer estos derechos, así como no contestar las preguntas que se le hagan o no hacer ninguna declaración.” She rapidly recites, in a deep sultry tone.

“Mm, _abogado_ ,” Rafael recites, emphasizing the ‘tho’ sound at the end.

“ _Abogado_ ,” Olivia corrects her pronunciation.

“El abogado está contento con su actuación.” Rafael all but growls.

“¿Qué tal si le doy al _abogado_ una actuación para estar realmente feliz?” Olivia grabs the back of his neck, pulling him down to her level as they both fall back onto his bed.

For the remainder of the day, Liv and Rafa lazily make love, lounge around, work on assignments, and study as they absorb each other’s presence, they couldn’t be any happier than they were when they were just simply together.

* * *

**Sunday, February 16th, 1989**

“Raf? Can I come in?” Rita knocks on his door, Rafael shuffled out of bed, carefully untangling himself from his girlfriend’s comforting embrace.

Rafael rushes to throw on a fresh pair of boxers and a clean jumper seeing as Olivia was curled into the warmth of not only his boxers and a plain white t-shirt but also the sweatpants he’d worn to bed before Olivia climbed on top of him and ravaged him as if he were the last piece of fruit during a famine.

Raf smirked at the memory, quickly ripped from his wet daydream by another round of Rita banging on his dorm room door. “Please stop knocking, you’ll wake the whole hall,” he announces as he swings the door open.

“Good morning to you too!” Rita chirps, “you don’t seem to be up, sorry did I wake you?” She tilts her head to the side in half worry, half confusion.

“Let’s just say it was a long night. What time is it anyway?” He scratches the back of his head.

“It’s after 2 PM, you missed Intro to American Law study group. The session you planned for our midterm in two weeks? You missed it and I was worried,” Rita peered over his shoulder into the darkness of his room.

“We—I overslept, as I said, it was a long night.” He cleared his throat.

“Long night? Raf, this is a weed-out class, if you don’t pass you don’t get the automatic acceptance to Harvard Law! What’s going on with you? It’s like your goals and priorities changed ever since— ever since you met her.” Rita shakes her head.

“Hey, don’t bring her into this!” Rafael warns.

“No, I’m gonna bring her into this! _First_ , you skip Civil Procedure Lecture on Friday to meet her in the parking lot, then you try to bail on the valentines day plans we’d been making since _before_ you met her, and _now_ you’re skipping out on study sessions that you planned _before_ she told you she was coming! When is it gonna get it inside of that thick skull of yours that she’s no good for you! Whenever she’s around you do the opposite of what the Raf, I know would do!” Rita jabs at his chest with her pointer finger.

“Have you considered maybe I studied alone? That maybe just maybe we spent some time yesterday with her helping me study my American Law terms with her head on my lap— like we constantly romanticize and talk about 24/7. Did you consider maybe I’m becoming more independent and self-sufficient because of her?” He spits in his girlfriend’s defense.

“Come on Raf, she’s forcing you to grow up! To deal with her baggage, you’re 19, what 19-year-old doesn’t want to throw back a couple of beers with their friends on a Friday night? Do you really want to give up the best years of your life— the most freeing— carefree and exhilarating time in your life for a quick fuck—“

“Don’t you fucking dear finish that sentence, so help me God if you ever want us to be friends again.”

“What is it about her Raf? What makes her so special? Why not any of the girls who deliberately throw themselves at you every day?” Rita bemoans in defeat.

“She makes me better, not just as a student, not just as a boyfriend, but as a _man_. She gives me the _strength_ to stand up to my dad, the _motivation_ to carry on every single day even when the depression blues grip me at the throat— _she somehow makes it all better_. She makes me want to be a better person; to get up, shower, eat, study, and participate in life not just watch it pass me by.” Rafael’s harsh exterior softens, “She makes me feel wanted, loved, useful. It’s so much more than sex.” Rafael shakes his head at his best friend.

“Raf, I—“

“Rita, please just give me some space.” She nods solemnly. He closes his door, retreating back to his girlfriend. He falls into bed, quickly wrapping his arms around her. Olivia seems to withdraw from his embrace. “Liv? Is everything okay?” She stills burrowing her head into his chest, her salty tears create a damp spot on his shirt.   
  


* * *

  
Their remaining hours together are spent in a slightly confusing tension. When Raf kisses her—she hesitates to kiss back. But when they go for lunch, she clutches onto his hand so tight her knuckles are a ghostly shade of white.

The time comes for Olivia to pack up, she’s sad and hesitant, she doesn’t want to go, but Rafael knows it’s more than that. He walks her to her car, hand in hand, her grip much less tight than before.

“Liv, I know you’re sad you’re leaving, but next month is spring break and we get two full weeks together.” Raf pulls her head into the crook of his neck.

“Raf—have you been skipping classes? Study sessions? Events planned in advance with your friends? Just because I’m here?” Olivia pulls out of his embrace, her eyes glued to the floor.

“You heard, didn’t you? My conversation with Rita, you weren’t asleep?” Olivia shook her head, her eyes never leaving the ground.

“Raf...” Olivia’s bottom lip trembles

“Olivia, no—don’t.” Rafael grabs her by the waist. “Don’t do this, Liv, please.” His eyes begin to water.

“You and Rita could be the next presidential candidates, you two are _good_ for each other, don’t let me get in between that. I can’t—no I won’t be the downfall of your best friendship.” Olivia held his hand, interlacing their fingers together. “Raf, you deserve to go out, spend time with your friends, live your life to the fullest, and not be cooped up in your room on the landline with me; you’re 19, God, the world is your playing field, I can’t watch you give that all up for little ole me.” The words burn her tongue as they leave her lips. “ _Don’t_ settle, Rafael, _don’t you ever settle._ ” She whispers past the tears burning in her eyes.

“Olivia, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You bring me joy every time your name is just brought up. I want to give you the world served up on a silver platter. You’ve had a rough start in life and I want to make sure that the rest of your days spent on this Earth you’re taken care of, please, please don’t do this. I love you, Olivia.” Rafael pulled her into a bone-crushing hug.

“I love you too, Rafael.” She sobbed into the crook of his neck, her arms wrapped securely around his waist. “You deserve better, better than me. Better than long distance. You deserve a girlfriend who can rub your shoulders after a long day, give you back rubs when you’re feeling stressed, someone who isn’t distracting you; you need someone who can spend time with you while you study who will be your motivation who can exist simply by laying their head on your lap as you flip through law textbooks. And God, how I want to be that person for you, but I can’t.” Olivia bit down on her bottom lip.

“I will find my way back to you, Olivia Benson. Do you hear me? I love you and nothing will ever change that.” He thumbed her freshly fallen tears away, cupping the side of her face with his right hand.

“I hope, God brings me back to you, Rafael. I’m not a religious person but I pray he brings me back to you in this life, and in next, I hope we’re truly meant to be together.” Rafael cups Olivia’s face with both hands, pulling her in for one last kiss, her lips tasted of sea salt and sugar; her tears mixed with the strawberry ice cream they’d shared earlier in the dining hall. Their lips danced together until neither had the breath in them to carry on, sadly they pulled apart, resting their foreheads together. “I love you.” The warmth of her breath plied across his chin.

“I love you.” Rafael slowly untangled himself from his love, pulling away as she got into the car. “Goodbye, Olivia...for now.” She waved solemnly, turning her key in the ignition.

“Goodbye, Rafael...for now.” She pulled off, this time maybe for good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maravilloso novio: wonderful boyfriend  
> “El abogado está contento con su actuación.” = "The lawyer is happy with your performance."  
> "¿Qué tal si le doy al abogado una actuación para estar realmente feliz?" = "How about I give the lawyer a performance to be truly happy about?"
> 
> Has anyone seen the picture of baby Mariska that inspired the valentines day party outfit?


	6. ...Looks a lot like a tragedy now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe words can't do justice to the sadness brewing within them.

It’d been a month and a half since that fateful day, Olivia kept replaying the moment in her head—wondering if she’d made the right decision.

March was surely coming to a close, as the April showers rolled in. The pattering rain reflected how gloomy Olivia truly felt inside, no matter how many weeks had passed by, Olivia’s heart still yearned for him.

Rafael often called to check up on her, she didn’t have the heart to answer so she let his calls go to voicemail. And with a glass of Merlot or something a bit stronger, she’d close out her weeks by listening to the voice mail messages he’d left on her answering machine.

The guilt consumed her as she reached out to check for new messages but sawnone—Rafael would call at least three times a week just to make sure she was doing okay, to check and see if maybe she’d pick up so he could hear her voice again—just one more time.

On a particularly hard Wednesday, when everything in Olivia’s life seemed to be going wrong, all she wanted to do was talk to Rafael—but she couldn’t, so she picked up the bottle instead. And just like clockwork Rafael had called her at 8:45 PM on his way back from the cafe.

And in a drunken stupor, Olivia answered.

_“Olivia?” Rafael gasped, she could hear the brokenness in his voice, sadness laced into every syllable. “Olivia, please say something.” She could sense his depression clouding his mind, he sounded higher than a kite; she wondered if he was doing okay—well at least better than she was; drowning her sorrows at the bottom of a bottle._

_Olivia told everyone she was fine and she pretended that she was over it—over him—to the point where she nearly believed it herself if it wasn’t for the hollowed-out feeling in her heart._

_“I only want you, Raf, but I’m just like my mother you deserve better. I drink—so much, I try to drown out the sadness and I'm starting to understand my mother, why she does it. Why she can’t stop. I can’t believe I make her feel this way...” Her voice trails off momentarily. “I lie to everyone around that I’m fine and that I don’t love you anymore but all I want is you—I just want to go back to you!” Olivia sobbed over the phone, Rafael’s heart shattered into a million microscopic pieces. “Raf, you have to stop calling me, I can’t do this, every time you call I want to pick up. And every time I don’t I remember more and more how badly I just want to go back to you.”_

_“I love you, Olivia. I will never stop. But if you need me to not call you for you to find peace, then that’s what I’ll do.” His breath audibly hitches._

_“No! Raf, please don’t go!” Olivia cries out, but all she’s left with is the sound of the blaring dial tone._

* * *

Rafael had been doing no better, the weeks passed and life felt like a blur. He’d been late to all his classes, most were shocked that he’d even shown up at all.

He didn’t want to see anyone. He wanted to lie in his dorm room with the curtains drawn and revel in the nothingness that washes over him like a sluggish tidal wave, pulling him out to sea.

Most days it felt like World War III trying to get himself out of bed. He didn’t want to eat, he didn’t want to go to class, he couldn’t bare facing other people—he didn’t even want to wake up. He was having a much better time sleeping, it was the one thing that brought him comfort; the one thing that made him feel peace. He would describe it as a reverse nightmare—if he ever found the motivation or energy to speak to _anyone_ about the way he’d been feeling—like when the average person woke up from a nightmare they’d feel so relieved. But instead, Rafael woke up into a nightmare. Every waking moment felt like constant dread and panic in his chest.

All he wanted was to hear Olivia’s voice again, to see her face, to hold her hand. He’d give anything— _anything_ for another moment with her.

At first, he found comfort in smoking, he’d get so high he couldn’t think straight but even that started to turn into delusions of Olivia. The smell of her hair, the glint in her eye, the velvety smooth feel of her skin under his fingertips—when he came back down, he’d felt even worse.

 _Emptier_

Hollowed out

Useless

It took him time to realize that _this_ the depression was just a reflection of his mindset before Olivia waltzed into his life bringing along with her sunshine and daisies; rainbows and butterflies; but now that she was gone he was back to the compounding shades of black that replaced his cotton candy skies.

Rita had begun to worry, Rafael was better as masking his depression before Olivia, she’d never known the lengths it could climb.Rafael is her best friend and she didn’t know how to fix him. She felt like she was the one to blame for driving out his source of happiness. Rita had been his rock—in whatever ways he’d allowed her to be; she’d check on him every day and night; make sure he ate; encouraged him to shower; sat down and forced him to do homework. She’d be the bad guy if she had to. Rita was afraid she’d push him _too_ far, so she hesitated and pulled back, but kept a watchful eye. 

“What’s the matter with you, Raf? Please talk to me, I’m worried.” Rita implores.

“Nothing.” His response was despondent, desolate, and crestfallen in nature. But _nothing_ was slowly clotting his arteries. _Nothing_ was slowly numbing his soul. He found himself caught in the crossfire by _nothing_ , saying _nothing_ , doing _nothing_ , feeling _nothing_ — _nothingness_ becomes him, it consumed him whole, he felt like there was _nothing_ left. He thought, “There's nothing the matter with me.” He said aloud. There was only so much she could do, with a nod of her head, she felt. Unable to stomach the sight of her best friend so low. 

Rafael had already made up his mind, and with her exit, there was only one thing left to do.   
  


* * *

Now here Olivia sat, staring at the unmoving answering machine that wasn’t blinking to notify her she’d received a new message. 

Her heart felt like it was filled with bricks. Today, the two of them were to be reunited, they’d planned to venture out to the beach, as of three hours and forty-eight minutes ago he was officially on spring break. He was officially supposed to be with her by now—the sting in her chest lingered. It was all her fault. They weren’t together because of her. 

Rafael and Olivia didn’t share the same spring break, which would have worked out to their advantage; it simply meant they got to spend _two weeks_ together and no one, not a single soul could take that away from them.

Well, other than themselves.

She wanted nothing more than to be with him, to hold him, to hear his voice again. Slowly she picked up the landline, dialing his number from memory, with each ring her heart slammed harder in her chest.

_No answer_

Before the answering machine could pick up, Olivia sighed hanging up the phone. An enervated knock on her door jolts Olivia out of her pity party. Quickly wiping her tears out of the way, she retreats to the entryway. A gasp leaves her lips at the swing of the door, she didn’t have a moment to process before the shadows of his face were so close to her, she could smell the sweet faint scent of the Irish spring soap she knew him very well to shower with, and then his tongue was in her mouth. 

He kissed her repeatedly, trailing from her insatiable lips to the arch of her jawline, all the way to the crook of her neck.

“I know I shouldn’t be here, and I’ll leave if you want me to. But please don’t make me leave,” the tears shamelessly amble down the sleekdefinition of his paling face, “I don’t want to live without you, Olivia.”

“I don’t want you to go, please, _please_ stay with me,” Olivia responds, burrowing her head into the gentle warmth of his neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews? What do you guys think? Where do you think life will take them next?


	7. Promise?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael's appearance at Olivia's door is unannounced. Kisses and love set aside, his recent behavior warrants some explanation, it's time for Raf to get some things off of his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this one is so short. I started this a few months back when I was in a bad headspace (hence why it may seem a bit sad) and just decided to run with it. I want to apologize, time really got away from me and it wasn't until it was brought to my attention that I hadn't updated this since April (please thank blk0912 for that).

“I—I thought when you didn’t pick up my call, that you were done with me—that I missed my window of opportunity.” She wrapped her arms around his neck, “I’d never been more afraid of anything in my entire life.” She pulls away as his arms stay to his side, buried deep into his pockets.

“Can I come in?” He speaks flatly. Olivia steps to the side clearing a path for him as he saunters in.

“Rafa? What are you doing here?” She kept her eyes focused on him and only him.

“I couldn’t do it, Olivia.” Tears welled in his eyes. “I know it’s not your job to heal me or to make me feel better but—“ His words were caught in his throat, “Everything in life felt like nothing until I met you.” He dropped his bag at his feet and began to pace around the familiar dorm room—a place so sacred to him, it was forever engrained in his mind. “I haven’t been doing much of that going out thing, spending time with friends, and I’m cooped up in my room more now than ever before.” He furiously shook his head. “The world isn’t my playing field, it swallowed me up and spit me right back out. Left me with this nothingness and it’s consuming me.”

“Raf—“

“People call my name as if they’re recognizing someone they think they know. But how could they? When I don’t even recognize the person I see in the mirror? I'd spent _hours_ searching for myself in my own reflection, but all I could find was some stranger with a haunted, hopeless look in his barren green eyes. They’re so hollow and dull—I could barely recognize the green in them—the greens you fell in love with.”

“Rafa—“

“It’s like I can remember experiencing something other than the nothingness, other than the anticipation of my ever-looming doom—like the feeling of joy or my memories with you, but now it seems those emotions occurred in a far-off, never-to-be revisited galaxy.” Olivia worried he’d pace himself to death or a new pattern in the carpet. “I can recall happy memories like scenes from a movie I once viewed, but not as something, I, personally experienced. I had to come see you, Olivia, how could you just be a distant memory to me? You mean everything to me, I had to remind myself that you are real and that happiness was real." He almost stopped to glance at her, but his legs kept churning, "I know, before this, before you, I used to be able to laugh and joke when I got like this—I was a pro at hiding it. But then you came in and tore down _all_ my defenses, then you left. Now all I want to do is sleep.”

“Rafa, can I—“ His frenetic ramblings overpowered her once again.

“In the midst of it all, it feels like walking around in a shroud—suffering the torment of being physically alive while being emotionally and mentally lifeless.” Olivia swallows the words pliéing across the expanse of her tongue—realizing he needed to get this off his chest.

“I—actually more like Rita—forcedme to eat, but all food is tasteless and bland, feels like chewing and swallowing sand.” Olivia takes solace on her bed, watching and listening to Rafael vent, her feet dangle over the end of the bed. “Going outside doesn’t feel refreshing and enlightening anymore the sun’s rays feel like pellets against my skin. I can barely see the sun anyway, I look up and no matter if my eyes are open or closed, existentially all I see is full-eclipse darkness. All my days are me sleepwalking through them, craving the small mercies God grants— ‘little death’ — sleep, I use sleep to escape the torture of being awake.” He pauses, searching the room for her presence.

“I’m right here, Rafa.” She pats the spot on the bed next to her, wanting him close to her. He eyes the spot on the bed hesitantly, before going back to pacing.

“I am not trying to guilt you into getting back with me—you’re the only person I have ever felt comfortable talking with about any of these nitty-gritty dirty emotions— and I’m sorry if you don’t want to hear it—but I need to say my piece before I—“ Rafael swallows thickly, ending his sentence not wanting to say something he’d gravely regret.

“Before you, what?” Olivia stepped into his path, stopping his nervous pacing.

“I—it’s nothing important, ‘Livia. I just—I need closure.” She grapples his floundering arms at the wrist, to fulfill her need to close the gap between the two of them. A wince catches her ears, she relinquishes her grasp of his arm.

“Rafa?” The tears fighting their way to the surface succeed, they spill out onto her cheeks.

“Liv, I—you were never supposed to find out. I’m just here to say goodbye.”

“No!” She aggressively pushes his chest, he’s sturdy and unmoving, she’s fidgety and enervated. “You don’t get to do that.” She stopped attacking his chest and collapsed on it in a pathetic heap of pleas and whimpers. “What about your mom, Rafa?”

“She has her kids at the school and her after school program.”

“Rafa how could you think that? It’ll destroy them—Your mom, your grandparents, your dad—“

“My grandparents have other grandkids, Liv. My dad? My dad has been waiting to exhale...He hates me, Olivia. I ruined his life—his marriage, his finances, his chances of making it big. I’d be doing him and the rest of them a favor.”

“That’s not true and you know it!” Her anger flared, “What about me, Rafa?” Her voice was desolate, filled with woe and grief as if he was already gone. Her anger dissipated as fast as it manifested itself, she was now merely a pool of vexed tears. “You promised me—“ a pointed finger finds the center of his chest, “You promised me we would find our way back to each other! How could you come here to tell me goodbye? How could you think throwing in the towel is the answer?" She choked back a soul-shattering sob.

"I love you, Rafael! I love everything about you—how could you try to leave me? The only faith I have in this world is one day I’ll get to come home to you.” The sob she's fighting burns the back of her throat, “That's all I have to keep me going... what do I have in this world without you? A mother who hates me? Who wishes she aborted me? I don’t have family, Rafa. I don’t know anything about the other half of me except that it’s ugly, and it’s violent, unforgivable—it’s incorrigible—unlovable.” She inhaled shakily. “Until I met you...And you loved me like I was a block of gold—so precious and rare, never to be touched by anyone else. You loved me for more than what I could give to you—so why do you think I wouldn’t love you when you’re blue? That I wouldn’t be your biggest cheerleader and support system?” She clenched the material of his black and maroon Harvard hoodie between her fingers. “You don’t get to leave me here all alone! Left with nothing but my love for you, that’s not going anywhere!” He cups the sides of her face with his trembling hands.

"Livy, I'm afraid—I—forget it." He drops his hands from her face, moving to pull away.

"No.” She stops him from moving away, placing her hand on his shoulder, her grip was reassuring. “What's the problem? You can tell me anything, Rafa."

"That's the problem. I can't tell, it's too hard to fathom my thoughts into words, it's always been silence for me. Unanswered questions, saddened looks as responses, quick movements to avoid suspicions, silence has always been my best friend. It says everything I can't. It screeches at the top of its lungs because I can't—because I've never been able to." He rests his hand on her hip, afraid he’d get addicted to the physical contact and actually want to stay—he’d worked too hard convincing himself.

"Sweetie, you are here with me now, you don't need silence to speak for you." She placed her and on top of his as a comforting gesture.

"No, no, no, you don't get it." He ran his free hand over his face out of pure frustration. "Silence screams and that's all I can seem to hear and it's nothing, all I can feel is nothing, all I want to do is scream but all that comes out is nothing." He pleads for her understanding.“At first it was deafening silence and I felt so alone. Then you just slid right into my life and I finally felt heard—from the very first moment. When you left it came back but I couldn’t cope with it anymore, I just let it consume me.”

“Rafa, I’m sorry...I didn’t think I meant that much to you—I didn’t want you to think I was leaving you.“ She forced him into a sitting position on the bed, her bended knees level with the gentle curve of his ass, as she straddles hip lap. “I want you to know, you mean the world to me, there isn’t a single thing in this world I wouldn’t do for you. I'll walk through Hell with you, for you, so you can understand you're not alone.” Her fingers caressed the smoothness of his paling skin.

“I love you, Liv. Nothing has changed.”

“I love you today, yesterday, tomorrow, and every day after that.” He wrapped his arms around her waist, “I want to be with you, Rafi, but I don’t think I’d survive if I woke up one day and you—“

“Please, Livy don’t cry.” He thumbed her tears away, kissing her cheeks and eyelids.

“How can I not cry, Rafi? When I love you so much and you’re hurting? I can’t help but feel like this is all my fault.” She mumbled into his shoulder.

“No—no! Olivia Benson, no! I’ve been battling depression since I was eight years old. This has nothing to do with you and I don’t ever want you to feel that way again. It’s not your job to save me—you make _me_ want to save _myself_ a more bearable thought.” She peppered kisses along his jawline, cheeks, neck, and lips.

Rafael succumbs to the softness of the mattress below him, with Olivia glued to his chest he drew her down with him. The exhaustion of missing one another, the constant yearning, the emotional turmoil they’d just gone through, washed over them like a tidal wave during a full moon. Soon enough the newly reinstated lovers allowed themselves to be hauled away to dreamland—where everything was good and easy and there were no more worries.They dreamt of each other (and for the first time in weeks, the heartache wasn’t a side effect of the few moments of bliss the Universe granted them).

With her head perched on his shoulder, her arms twisted around his forearm, and her knee caked between his thighs, Olivia felt secure for the first night in over a month. Rafael began to stretch, untangling himself from her—Olivia jumped out of her restful sleep before his feet hit the ground.

“Where are you going?” She twisted the end of his t-shirt between her fingertips, still laying back in the bed.

“To the bathroom,” he whispered, leaning down to place a kiss on her forehead.

“Promise you’ll come back?”

“Liv—“

“Promise me you’ll come back, Rafa.”

“I promise, Olivia.” She relaxed releasing the grip she had on his shirt.

Rafael dawdles on his way to the ensuite. The act of emptying his bladder feels almost like a spiritual deliverance—from the pent up tension in his shoulders—the calm doesn’t last long as his mind circles back to Olivia, as it always does. He can’t stop thinking about how he made her cry, the way she held him so tightly as they slept, how she was filled with such fear he would leave and never return again that she made him promise he'd come back to her.

With a flush of the toilet Rafael’s stomach dropped, he dragged his feet over to the sink. The suds on his hand swirled around the ceramic bowl but eyes fixated on his reflection staring back at him in the unlit bathroom.

Did she know him? Rafael Barba would never do anything to hurt Olivia Benson, even if doing just that destroyed him inside. But then again—could he blame her for her fears and doubts? He wasn’t exactly the Rafael she grew to know and fell in love with. But he would spend the rest of his life proving it to her, even with his last dying breath.

And if the universe thought it could keep them apart, he vowed at this very moment to find his way back to her, every time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My damned laptop has restarted (due to its f*cked battery//died ON the charger at 54%) while I've been trying to update this which means all my last-minute edits got deleted and I had to do them again.
> 
> The next chapter will be happier (and I think I may have to extend this fic a little beyond 10 so it doesn't feel rushed I'm thinking between 12-15 chapters) but it didn't feel right to add happy go lucky times in this chapter when they're discussing his depression. But I plan to introduce some of Olivia's friends in the next chapter (which I promise won't take three months this time) and then bring back some of Rafael's friends if its something y'all would like to see. 
> 
> Thank y'all for reading and sticking with me through this weird period of me not updating, please comment and let me know what you're thinking, what you think is gonna happen next (Idk if any of y'all will see it coming), what you want to happen next, or anything else on your mind!


	8. Curve of your happiness

Every moment with Olivia felt like a breath of fresh air. He’d been awake for the past hour gawking at her unmatched allure and virtue—he would never grow tired of simply just looking at his belle.

“Rafi?” Olivia stretches the kinks out of her joints. “How long have you been up?”

“An hour, maybe two?” His fingers trace the outline of her pink lips.

“Why didn’t you wake me?” She yawned mid sentence.

“You looked so cute and at peace, I didn’t want to disturb that.” She turned, curling into his chest. “Sometimes, I can't take my eyes off you, I know the outline of your lips, I know the curve of your happiness, I studied it when we first met when we drove all night, you looked so perfect under those blue dingy lights. I’ve always been scared of looking too much but I really can’t take my eyes off of you.”

“Rafa...” the emotion she felt building in her chest rendered her speechless.

“Watch me do something crazy, like leave my soul to you.”

“I love you,” her voice quivered.

“I was so afraid, that maybe you’d fallen out of love with me and I had wasted my time.”

“Never.” She shook her head. “I’ll love you until my last breath.” She pressed her ear against his chest, intently studying the sound of his beating heart. “We should probably move at some point, huh?” Olivia was fiddling with the soft hairs on his sternum, after relishing in the comfortable silence for a bit.

“Everything I need is right here,” He lays kisses into her hair.

“The Rafael I know, never shys away from an opportunity to eat.”

“There’s something in particular, I’m hungry for.”

“Oh, yeah? What’s that?” She completely misses the suggestion in his eyes.

“You.” He flips her onto her back, attacking her lips with a slow burning kiss.

There wasn’t a moment of hesitation. His mouth was on hers, she nearly stopped breathing. He shuddered at the sensations, a feral sound rumbles in the back of his throat— a half growl, half moan. Little shivers of pleasure and panic shot through Olivia as Rafael deepened the kiss, parting her lips with his tongue.

She felt like she couldn’t think straight, he was kissing her senseless—not that she was complaining. He pinned her petite body onto the mattress, sealing the tiny space between them, pressing up against him, her long slender fingers delve into his greasy locks; it was soft and silky, regardless of it’s cleanliness.

This is the most alive, he’s felt in weeks, his heart swelled to the point of near bursting. The rush of sensations crawling across their bodies was maddening and thrilling, all wrapped up into one.

His hands were on her hips, he lifted her up slightly off the mattress, as if she were made of air. Subconsciously her legs circle his middle, locking her ankles at the small of his back.

Lowering her hands from the side of his face and the nape of his neck, she tugged at his shirt, but it was pinned under her legs. Olivia wiggled around until her feet were flat against the bed, she pushed at his chest slightly to make room to rid the unwanted item. Once she finally got a hold of his shirt, yanking it up, Rafael broke the kiss long enough for Olivia to pull it over his head and toss it aside. His hands slipped into her long thick tresses, pulling her back to his mouth.

His hands didn’t linger in her hair for long as they had a mind of their own, they began moving down, under her shirt. His thick digits skimmed over her skin, sending a rush of blood to every part of her body.

Olivia’s hands traveled south, getting a good feeling of his form; his shoulders were broad, his stomach was solid, dipped, and rippled in all the right places, but a little pudgy near the base—just the way she loved it. Then it was her shirt that joined his on the floor. Skin against skin. He hummed, brimming full of power, he loved that Olivia always slept without a bra, her hard nubs pressing into his side at night.

She flipped them, sitting up, she straddled his lap. Olivia ran her fingers across his chest and then down to the waistband of his boxers, tugging them straight off his hips.

He clutched the back of her thighs as he flopped onto his back, gracefully. They were a tangle of limbs, moving, exploring, joining together. Their hips were molded together as they moved against one another, in perfect harmony. Their lips remained sealed. It was like they couldn’t get enough of each other. They were devouring one another, drowning in each other—nothing in the world felt like this.

She whispered his name, unknowingly, his arms tightened around her, as a direct response to the muffled sound of his name she breathed onto his lips, crushing her against his chest. His hands slipped between her legs, with a gasp against his mouth, her mind and body was swimming in raw sensations.

“You’re so beautiful, Olivia,” he murmured against the sensitive spot on her lower neck, as she sat there panting, her sensations frantic. His fingers worked her into a frenzy.

And then he was kissing her again. The deep kind of kisses that left little room for thought, not that with the shock waves of pleasure ripping through her for the first time in almost two months—she hadn’t much brain activity swirling around her Rafael laden brain. There was only feeling and wanting. That was all.

He rolled her over onto her back, slipping two fingers into her safe heat. Olivia’s eyes rolled back as he drilled her with his nubs, pulling him closer, she sang to him what she wanted with her angelic moans.

Their kisses slowed, becoming tender and infinitely more. It was almost as they were getting reacquainted with one another on an intimate level. She was breathless and dazed, unprepared for all of this, but her body ached for more than just kisses and touching—for more of him, as her wallsclenched around his fingers. She raised her voice in praise. His powerful body shook in uncanny resemblance to hers.

“Ra—Raf?” Olivia’s voice trembled as he was still finger fucking her through her orgasm. “Di-did you?” Her half gush brain unable to form complete and coherent sentences with his fingers still curled inside her, sending every nerve in her body haywire.

“Yes, I’m sorry.” His mouth kisses a straight path from her lips to the hollow of her throat, to the valley between her breast, to her bellybutton, down her throbbing heat. He kissed her bundle of nerves three quick times in succession before he lapped her folds, sending electric jolts of after orgasm spasms—her hips uncontrollably bucked against his face and he finally withdrew his tongue. “I’m sorry, Liv.” His tongue went to work sopping up every drop of his sticky ejaculate he fired onto her thigh along with the wet evidence of her arousal. As the levels of her pleasure rose, so did his. Mixed in with the minor friction supplied to his member by her fidgety aroused movements. Olivia’s gaze was locked on her lover’s, the eye contact between the two was daunting and intense—thickly coated in intimacy. She watched him wordlessly clean her up with his mouth, tugging at his short dark strands, she pries him away from her nether regions.

“Come up here and kiss me, please.” He pushed his upper body up with his hands, crawling his way up the length of her body to her mouth.

Immediately his mouth was on hers. She could taste him, she could taste herself as well, on his tongue. It was easy to get lost in him, lost in this connection between them, their love. The world—the universe—ceased to exist.

* * *

It didn’t take Cupid to recognize that Olivia and Rafael are completely, mindlessly, thoroughly, unequivocally, and without a doubt in love with one another. They strolled through the caf a little after 1 PM, utterly warped in the seldom moments of bliss the universe granted. Olivia and Rafael felt as if they were floating on cloud nine, smiles never leaving their buoyant faces, feeling better together then they ever felt alone, for a moment there she could’ve sworn she heard him humming the melodies to old slow love songs to himself. Rafael held his tray with one hand, his other arm wrapped around Olivia’s middle, she glanced over at him, beaming as she appreciated and studied his profile—she radiated an indescribable, iridescent glow—with her grin covering the expanse of her face and her hand tucked into his back pocket they approached an empty table so enthralled by their love for each other, she nearly didn’t hear her name being called repeatedly.

“Liv!” A throaty voice calls out to the brunette wrapped around the grinning green eyed arm candy.

“Rodg!” She waved over to him.

“Did Annie call you?” He skimmed Rafael’s form before averting his eyes back to her. Rafael raised an eyebrow at the once over.

“No.” She leaned her head on Rafael’s shoulder, he subconsciously wrapped his arms snuggly around her waist. “Oh Roger, this is Rafael—my boyfriend.”

“Oh—this is Rafael? It’s good to meet you, dude! I didn’t know you two got back together?”

“Just yesterday.” She smiled, “Rafa, this is Roger.”

“Roger Carlucci! It’s great to finally meet you! Please—please don’t ever break up with this one again, absolutely miserable without you.”

“Oh, trust me.” He smirks at his girlfriend avoiding his gaze. “I never plan on letting this one go.” He nosed her hair.

“How long are you gonna be here? Annie, El, and Gale are just gonna die if they miss you!”

“I’m here for the week, trying to spend every moment possible with this one before I head back up.” He gently squeezes her side, a wider grin breaking out on his face.

“And then I’ll be going up with him after, steal a couple of free lessons in law,” she shrugged jokingly.

“You go to Harvard, don’t you?” Rafael nodded, pridefully as his eyes never left Olivia’s face. “How’d you two cross paths?”

“This one got on the wrong platform, when heading home for Thanksgiving. Ended up sitting in our booth at Beer Bones, so of course, I approached him.”

“She gave me a ride home all the way to the Bronx. It was fate, really.” She rolled her eyes before glancing at his untouched tray. He followed her line of sight before acknowledging her worry. He peeled the bun off the cheese burger off, neatly aligning French fries on top of the tomato and lettuce, adding ketchup to the Mayo laden bun as a binding agent, before going in for a big bite. Now it was Olivia’s turn to roll her eyes, suppressing a giggle bubbling within her chest.

“Oh, look it’s Annie and El!” Roger flailed his arms erratically, in attempt to get his friends attention. Olivia completely oblivious to everything around her that isn’t Rafael Eduardo Barba, smirks.

“Baby, you uh...” she chuckled.

“What?” He says with his mouth full, few crumbs come spewing out the crevices of his mouth.

“You have something—“ she breaks off in a bout of laughter, pointing at the corner of her mouth. “Baby, breathe!” She hits his chest playfully, her suppressed giggle from earlier compounding with her laughing fit—she can’t contain the joy rushing through her vein as tears fight their way to the surface.

_I am so in love with this fool_

“What is—so funny,” Rafa finally gets the chance to speak as he swallows the mouthful of delicious sodium filled meat, potatoes, and cheese—this is the best food had tasted to him in weeks.

“This is the Rafa, I know,” she admired the man next to her, so full of life even when he felt he was dying inside—she knew he wasn’t magically cured just because they were back together but he was trying, he was _fighting_ for her, for himself. And she loved him, so very much for the effort alone. She’d do anything in her power to help him out of his depression, after all, he was her entire world.

Rafael wiped his face, missing the ketchup caked in the corner of his mouth, “Here I’ll get it.” She leaned pressing her plump lips to his thin pink ones, with her tongue she traced the outline of his lips, slopping up the mess at the corner of his mouth. Her tongue slipped between his thin slits, exploring the inside of his mouth,demanding and inquisitive, every square inch of her body dissolves into his, they melt into each other. She has never _wanted_ anyone, never _loved_ anyone, never felt she _needed_ anyone to the extent she feels with Rafael.

Rafael can feel her intertwining herself into his DNA, his veins throb, heart slamming so hard against his chest, he fears it may explode. He felt the rush of helplessness, a yielding sinking feeling, the surging tide of warmth that usually left him feeling limp, felt like electric shocks beneath his skin. For the first time, he understood the feeling, the _rest of the world_ was blurred and drowned to nothingness—nothing else seemed to matter except Olivia. He’d experienced this dreary feeling consuming him for the last serval weeks but with the swift gradation of the intensity of the kiss, he clung to her, with a steady arm around her waist—the numbing undertones of his existence began to melt away. _She, them,this_ evoked sensations he forgot he was capable of feeling.

“Olivia?” Breathlessly, Olivia pulled away, leaning her forehead against his, trying shamelessly to catch her breath.

“Annie,” she muttered, turning forward, missing the feeling of warm skin against hers.

“Did we miss something here?” She took a seat across from Olivia. “Yesterday you couldn’t even eat without bursting into tears and now you’re all but having sex in the middle of the caf.”

“Annie, this Rafael. My _boyfriend_.”

“Rafael as in Rafael your ex Rafael?” Olivia nodded. “Thank God! You were so heartbroken and depressed, I didn’t have a clue what to do—nothing worked! I’m Annie O’Donnel! Olivia’s best friend.”

“Negative! Elliot Tenney—Olivia’s actual best friend!” He crosses his arms smugly, shooting Annie a satisfied face.

“Rodg, you hear that?” Annie scrunches her face.

“Hear what?”

“That ringing? Don’t you hear it?” Roger strains his ears, “Oh! It’s s Gale summoning her bitch, Elliot you might want to go see what she needs!” Olivia chokes on the bite of pizza in her mouth.

“Oh my, God,” Olivia continues to cough through her laughter. “A little warning would’ve been nice.” She calms down, as Rafael rubs soothing circles on her back.

“It wouldn’t have been as good,” She and Roger finally calm down from laughing.

“Gale is Elliot’s girlfriend—“

“And she wears the pants—“ Olivia smacks Roger.

“First of all, don’t cut me off.” She shot him daggers, “second of all, that’s sexist—don’t say that again or there will be more where that came from.” Roger’s face reflects that of a petulant child as he runs the burning spot on his arm where Olivia just reprimanded him.

“That was hot,” Rafael smirked at the group, relaxing in his surroundings.

“We know what role you play in the bedroom,” Roger mumbles under his breath, Olivia raises a fist this time, “—I’m sorry!” He panics, throwing his hands over his face to shield himself from any incoming punches.

“Don’t apologize to me,” she rolled her eyes, breaking into a goofy grin. 

“I love that woman,” Rafael grins, using his thumb to point at Olivia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all, it has been a while...I'm sorry, depression and life is a bitch. I kinda wanted to finish AOC before coming back to this fic, but I see that also went on hiatus but is back! That AU will be over soon and I will be back to focusing my attention on this fic—I have ideas!
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed, sorry my writing is a little rusty, I'm still trying to get the hang of writing again!


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